‘I want to live’: South Brent mum’s fight to make every moment count

When Amanda Barnes finally got to wear the wedding dress she had always dreamed of, she enjoyed it for a couple of hours before changing into a dressing gown and heading to the spa.

It was not a conventional wedding, nor was it about marrying herself. It was a chance for the South Brent businesswoman and mother of two to do something she had always wanted to do, surrounded by the people she loves.

Amanda’s close friends organised the celebration in just three weeks. Then, in August, they gathered for a Sunday roast and photographs — a day that went viral on social media, reaching more than 12 million people around the world.

But behind the beautiful dress and extraordinary response is a much bigger story.

Amanda, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2022 — more than a year after her cancer went undiagnosed despite three attempts to seek a diagnosis — has spent four years navigating an incurable diagnosis, numerous treatments and the devastating progression of her illness.

Her health has deteriorated significantly. She has experienced blood clots, fluid around her lungs, severe pain and breathing difficulties, and has recently received the news that she has a brain tumour.

Now, she is staying at St Luke’s Hospice for respite and help managing her symptoms.

Her last chemotherapy treatment was on September 10 but she has since decided to cease the invasive treatment, prioritising her quality of life while continuing to explore other options.

“I want to live, but I also want to be able to enjoy living,” she said.

Amanda is under no illusion about the seriousness of her condition, but she does not believe an incurable diagnosis should mean abandoning the things that make life worth living.

“I don’t want my entire identity to become my diagnosis,” she said.

“Yes, I have stage four cancer, and yes, my circumstances are incredibly serious. But I’m also a mother, a businesswoman, a friend and someone who loves travelling, laughing and experiencing life.”

Before her health deteriorated, Amanda travelled independently, built businesses and took pride in looking after the people around her.

She is a director of Devon Cleaning South Hams Ltd, trading as PlymClean, which provides domestic and commercial cleaning services across South Devon. She has also been involved in property development, investment and holiday accommodation.

Now, although her illness limits what she can physically do, she remains involved in her businesses when she feels able.

“Running businesses has been such a huge part of my life that staying involved gives me a sense of normality and purpose,” she said.

“Sometimes dealing with a business matter, making a decision or simply knowing what’s going on helps me feel like myself again.”

But it is the loss of independence, and the prospect of leaving her children behind, that weigh most heavily.

Connor, 20, and Ruby, 17, mean everything to Amanda. She desperately wants to see them grow up, find happiness and achieve their ambitions.

“The hardest part of my illness is knowing there are milestones in their lives that I desperately want to be here to witness,” she said.

She has tried to be open with them about her diagnosis while protecting them from the full weight of its uncertainty.

Amanda admits, there are moments when the prospect of leaving them behind becomes overwhelming, but she refuses to let fear consume the time they have together.

“I want my children to remember us laughing, travelling, enjoying experiences and making memories together,” she said.

“I want them to remember me living, not simply being ill.”

That determination was behind the August celebration, which gave Amanda the chance to fulfil a long-held wish.

“It certainly wasn’t a conventional wedding, but it was completely me,” she said.

“I think that’s one of the biggest lessons cancer has taught me. If there’s something you really want to experience, don’t keep putting it off.”

Friend and makeup artist Lucija Kavcic, known as Lucy, was there to share the day. Having first met Amanda through work in 2023, she says their relationship grew after Amanda went out of her way to help Lucy through a difficult situation.

“She’s the most genuine and lovely and kind person,” Lucy said. “She’s done so much for me that she didn’t have to.”

Lucy shared video footage of the celebration on TikTok, simply preserve the memories. However, the video went viral, and the response brought messages of support from strangers, with some offering cards and gifts, from all over the world.

The attention also helped prompt a fundraising appeal. A GoFundMe campaign, titled ‘Amanda’s story, not just about stage 4 cancer, living too’, aims to raise £100,000 towards exploring specialist medical consultations and possible further treatment in Mexico. The money would help cover medical costs, travel, accommodation and associated expenses.

Amanda understands there are no guarantees, but wants the opportunity to investigate whether suitable options could improve her quality of life or potentially give her more time.

Her immediate priority is managing her pain and breathing difficulties and becoming well enough to travel safely. A provisional travel date has been set for November 22, but this depends entirely on her health.

“Of course, I hope that something may help me gain more time,” she said. “But quality of life matters enormously too.

“If I could regain some strength, become more comfortable and have opportunities to make further memories with my children, that would mean everything.”

Lucy knows she cannot change Amanda’s diagnosis, but she can help tell her story and encourage others to get involved through a dedicated TikTok page.

“I can’t physically help her with her health, but at least I can do my part with this kind of stuff and hopefully repay her a little bit of my gratitude,” she said.

“She deserves it, she’s genuinely such a good person, with a big heart, and she’s got an army behind her.”

Amanda’s wedding may have captured the world’s attention, but she hopes people now look beyond the dress and the viral video.

She wants to be remembered as someone who worked hard, loved her children, embraced adventure and never stopped trying. She wants them to remember the happy times, rather than allowing her illness to define how they remember her.

And she wants other people to recognise how easily life can become consumed by waiting for the right time.

Her message is not that people should ignore the difficult realities of life; it is that those realities should not always be a reason to postpone living.

“I hope my story encourages people to make memories, take opportunities, be kind to one another and stop waiting for the perfect moment,” she said.

“Because none of us knows how much time we have.”