JOHNNY CHICK, of Rod O'Reely, Old Market, Dartmouth, writes:

And so the Guildhall College for Bungling Buffoons has pulled yet another trick from the sack of nonsense, Traders are under fire for not being open longer, May 4.

'Judge Thee Not Less Thee Be Judged' comes to mind on this occasion. I may be guilty of closure at some stage but I will simply put a few points forward from which the level-headed folk of this town will understand.

What about the promise to paint the Old Market? The Alamo was looking better after the Mexicans left.

What about the signage? Sticking three signboards outside is not advertising or promoting this Old Fort... The signs might as well have been written in a dialect of microscopic Korean.

What about making an attempt to run a proper trading market? The market traders don't even turn up if its raining!

Come and see for yourselves, stick your head through the Market Street entrance and tell me what you see. May I suggest it is not as good as the inside of a Tube train that has just taken 12,000 Millwall supporters for a fight with Chelsea.

Wow! Twenty people on the waiting list – that makes them more valuable does it? Watch this space when the rent review is due in two years' time – there won't be 20 people on the waiting list then.

My unit was ready to trade three months later than was promised. It cost me £3,000 in lost revenue and a further £2,000 in other costs.

The cost was £400,000? More like £500,000, as it is far from finished.

We must be the only market in Britain or even Europe that has no trade waste bins.

The whole thing is a complete and truly fine example of the connivance of bumbling self-esteemers.

If you are going to help Dartmouth, please all leave now and join the idiots looking for meteor fall-out pieces in the mid-Pacific.