Johnny Chick, of The Old Market, Dartmouth, writes:

I made a phone call to a friend of mine who works at NASA and asked him if he knew anything about the spaceship that had crash-landed in the Boatfloat here in Dartmouth, Devonshire.

'Is it Curiosity,' he responded, 'the one we sent to Mars?'

I said I didn't know but it had returned with a star on it, in case they were missing one of those as well!

Six hundred pounds was the figure to rent the Mayors Avenue car park for one Saturday in December so that free parking could be given to Christmas shoppers.

Instead, we get what appears to be a spaceship mud wrestling with a kebab van!

No doubt that mooring fees and harbour dues will be added to the total and perhaps a fine from our local neighbourhood harbourmaster for having no navigations lights or, in fact, no lights at all.

Once again, the great minds of Dartmouth Town Council have gathered in the Guildhall (Malfunction Junction) and condensed their entire brain power to create what is close to a replica of the Scrapheap Challenge trophy. Well done, that'll bring them in.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? If it had been made of copper at least the scrap metal thieves would have nicked it by now, along with a couple of drain covers to help with travel costs etc.

Happy Christmas to one and all.